I’m writing this while at church because today my heart felt heavy. I haven’t cried for a while because I normally brush things off or let go of the person or thing making me sad or unwanted.
I just realized that I haven’t cried or broken down because I hate showing any form of weakness. The last few months of 2019 were heavy for me had a lot going on that I forgot to ‘Mourn’ before moving it. I was set to graduate on 20th December 2019 but the school registrar wasn’t buying it. Had all my documents ready and signed but due to a few mishaps that wasn’t enough to get my name on the list. This one time we tried our best to get the registrar to add my name but he said No actually he used to leave and leave us there.. Lol I even made friends who were in the same situation as myself. When I was leaving the office I met a friend of mine and she just held me for a while because I really needed it. 😭😭😭
Well December came and something happened that changed my whole view of friendships. That week was loooong for me and I needed space not alone time but with people who would make me feel calm for a minute. That wasn’t the case anyway because they pushed me away when I needed them the most and since then I have been staying alone in my room. I didn’t cry but rather took it in and I thought that maybe that is the kind of person I am.. that the Lord made only to help and be there for others but be alone when in need of help.
Maybe My purpose on earth is to make people happy because that’s where I’ll find my happiness.. I don’t know.. anyway had to let that out.. I’m doing kinda okay really but will not show up for a while, I guess I just need time alone for myself because I took care of people and forgot about me.